Listening When You Know You're Right Is Hard to Do

I was discussing the topic of listening with a management team recently, and they all agreed that it's easier to talk about listening than it is to actually do it. They're right. You know the things you should do--maintaining eye contact, looking for nonverbal cues, keeping an open mind--but actually doing those things is difficult. Especially when you're 100% sure you're right, and the other person is wrong.

The more certain you are of your position, the more vulnerable you are to doing a bad job of listening, and the harder you have to work at listening. Usually we think that certainty is good, that that it makes us more confident and forceful. And that's true.

But it's also true that certainty can mean we don't devote as much effort to listening. Not just hearing, or going through the motions of listening, but REALLY listening to the other person. Not listening is dangerous. We can miss important information.

Or we can send the wrong signal. As leaders, we're supposed to listen to others, to be open to opposing viewpoints, to be reasonable. But if we're so certain of our own position, we might just start thinking of other things, we might start glancing at our watch, or computer, or our blackberry.

When that happens we insult the other person by showing that we don't respect the person enough to give his or her view a fair hearing. And that's when the other person loses respect for us.

It's an old adage, but true: God gave us two ears and only one mouth because He wants us to do twice as much listening as talking. Most leaders I know can do a better job of listening, but it takes hard work and discipline. Especially when we're convinced we're right.

Teamwork Plus Competition Often Equals Subtraction

My wife had some painters come in last week, and one of them, a guy named Mark, asked what kind of work I do. When I told him I'm a consultant and coach, Mark said that years ago he had a boss who tried to get the team to compete against each other.

Mark said it was a big disaster. Instead of improving teamwork, it caused conflict and resentment.

I told him that many managers still believe that competition is good for a team, and that they still run into the same problems Mark saw years ago.

A little competition is ok, but it usually reduces, or subtracts from, teamwork. Think about it, do you really want your team members competing against each other? Or do you want them working together?

Chances are that if they're focused on competition, they're not focused on the team's purpose, on what the team is trying to achieve. That's not a good formula for team success.

Individual competition involves winners and losers, and that's not what you want your team thinking about. You want the TEAM to succeed so that EVERYONE on the team wins.

Also remember that what happens on the micro level mushrooms to the macro level.

I'm currently working with an organization where the top guy is trying to rid the organization of competition. He wants his six divisions working together as an enterprise, not as individual divisions that are watching out for their individual interests.

Changing that mindset is difficult, but we're doing it. You can't take an enterprise approach if everyone's competing against each other.

And it all starts at the smaller team level. You don't want your team members, or your department heads, working against each other. You want them working together to achieve common goals.

Focus your team on working together, not against each other.

Getting New Website Is Like Having A Baby

OK, my wife is always quick to point out that saying anything is like having a baby is ridiculous--because NOTHING is like having a baby. It's not as difficult, nor is it as rewarding.

She's right.

Still, it is a process that requires work, it is a bit of an ordeal, but it is very rewarding. I should add that the work and ordeal part is because of me, not the people who did the design.

Kulin Shah and his team at NexFusion were just great, and I highly recommend them. Very easy to work with, very patient, very professional.

It may not be exactly like having a baby, but I'm glad the site is up, and I'm proud of the new design, look, and feel. And like having a baby, it's a process that continues after the birth/launch.

Stay tuned...