Effective Leaders Ignore the Trivial

In this month's edition of my monthly column on leadership, (sign up for it by clicking: http://www.on2url.com/app/adtrack.asp?MerchantID=55031&AdID=102734) I talk about "blind spots," things we don't see in ourselves, even though they're obvious to everyone else.

Now I'd like to talk about something that's the opposite of a blind spot. This is something that exists mostly in our heads, but its counterpart in reality isn't nearly the same. It gets stuck in our heads, and we're convinced everyone else sees it, and is thinking about it.

The reality, though, is that it's not a big deal to other people.

For example, I coached a manager several years ago who was convinced that his direct reports were focused on the manager being younger than the people he was managing. I knew this wasn't the case.

He kept saying, "It's because I'm younger than they are." Or, "They don't like working for a younger manager." I finally said, "Frank, the only one who's focused on your age is YOU. Get it out of your head. They're not thinking about it, so neither should you."

It can be anything. Your gender, lack of an advanced degree, or even a project you screwed up years ago.

Don't let it hold you back. Don't let it be an excuse. Don't let it prevent you from focusing on the leadership skills you need to improve.

Effective leaders ignore the trivial, and focus on what they can control:  Skills and behaviors that communicate accountability, consistency, and respect for others.

Listening When You Know You're Right Is Hard to Do

I was discussing the topic of listening with a management team recently, and they all agreed that it's easier to talk about listening than it is to actually do it. They're right. You know the things you should do--maintaining eye contact, looking for nonverbal cues, keeping an open mind--but actually doing those things is difficult. Especially when you're 100% sure you're right, and the other person is wrong.

The more certain you are of your position, the more vulnerable you are to doing a bad job of listening, and the harder you have to work at listening. Usually we think that certainty is good, that that it makes us more confident and forceful. And that's true.

But it's also true that certainty can mean we don't devote as much effort to listening. Not just hearing, or going through the motions of listening, but REALLY listening to the other person. Not listening is dangerous. We can miss important information.

Or we can send the wrong signal. As leaders, we're supposed to listen to others, to be open to opposing viewpoints, to be reasonable. But if we're so certain of our own position, we might just start thinking of other things, we might start glancing at our watch, or computer, or our blackberry.

When that happens we insult the other person by showing that we don't respect the person enough to give his or her view a fair hearing. And that's when the other person loses respect for us.

It's an old adage, but true: God gave us two ears and only one mouth because He wants us to do twice as much listening as talking. Most leaders I know can do a better job of listening, but it takes hard work and discipline. Especially when we're convinced we're right.