The Grudge Report: Reasons to Avoid Drinking Gasoline

I can't remember who said it, but it's true:  "Holding a grudge against someone is liking drinking gasoline and hoping it will make the other person sick."  Holding a grudge doesn't hurt the other person.  It hurts you in at least two ways.

First, let's look at what a grudge is.  A grudge involves anger directed at another person over a very prolonged period of time.  The "prolonged period of time" is what differentiates a grudge from simply being angry at someone. 

Stuff happens, and we get angry, and that's normal.  But we usually move on, and get over it.  With a grudge, it stays with us, often for months and even years.  We don't move on, and we don't get over it.

The first way it hurts you is that holding a grudge limits your ability as a leader to focus on the right things, the important issues and challenges that face you and your organization. 

Think of the last time you were really angry with someone.  Remember how initially the incident dominated your thoughts.  Eventually you got over it, but at first you probably couldn't think about other things without that incident creeping back into your mind.  When this goes on for months or years, its a grudge.

The other way holding a grudge hurts you is that it has an adverse effect on your health.  Holding a grudge consumes a boatload of emotional energy, and over time it can leave you exhausted emotionally.  Because of the intricate relationship between the emotional and the physical, it can adversely affect your physical health.

Just as drinking gasoline literally eats away at your insides, holding a grudge does the same thing emotionally.

And then there's the people you're leading.  Because your leadership abilities are diminished by holding a grudge (focusing on the wrong things, being emotionally and sometimes physically exhausted), your not serving the people you're trying to lead.

Avoid drinking gasoline, avoid holding grudges.  Get over it.  Move on.

Why Are People A Pain in the Neck? Three Reasons...

I get this question frequently, in one form or another, usually with a tone of utter exasperation.  And the question really is about why "dealing with people" or "managing people" is the most difficult aspect of their jobs.

One reason is the sheer complexity of the human being.  A person is an incredibly intricate organism, with all sorts of systems (physical, neurological, etc.) working at the same time, and trying to operate in an environment (everything outside the person) that is even MORE complex. 

With all these systems pulling and tugging, a person is bound to be difficult at some point.

Another reason is emotion.  We're capable of many emotions, but they all stem from three primary emotions:  Anger, fear, and joy.  Whatever emotion you name, it will be a variant of one of the Big Three.  When we get emotional, we throw rationality out the window. 

If we took emotions out of the equation, we'd have a lot of logical, rational thought, and although we wouldn't have as many people problems, the world would be pretty boring.

The third reason is all the baggage we carry around inside our heads.  That baggage, most of it emotional, stays with us, even when we don't realize it's there.  Because of the emotional baggage, we do things that make us a pain in the neck at times.

And there's a lot of baggage, going all the way back to our childhoods.

Someone can probably come up with more reasons people are a pain in the neck.  Heck, I'll probably think of some.  But for right now, three reasons will have to do.